Note
by FT.MLP.forever
Summary: When Adrien does the unthinkable. And Marinette is left alone to deal with everyone. Angst. Suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**Adrien POV**

I find myself composing a letter I never thought I would have to write. Writing this is better than not doing anything. It shall portray what I could never say…

On the Eiffel tower, after fighting an akuma. Ladybug asked me what was wrong. I felt a tiny bit of happiness because I knew she cared, she understood me, better than a lot of people. Yet…I can do not have the courage to do this anymore. I gave her a slight smile. Her eyes slightly widened for a reason unknown to me, her gaze unfaltering. We went for our customary fist bump , also my last one I realized.

I took in her appearance, her scent, her expressions, for one last time. But I couldn't stop myself from being reckless. I pulled her close and closed the distance between our lips. She was shocked, not moving until I finally pulled away, but not before I whispered in her ear.

"I'm sorry, Ladybug. I'm so, so sorry."

Her body finally showed some movement as her hand caressed my face ever so gently, her kind bluebell eyes, meeting my emerald green.

"What happened, Chaton?" She whispered breaking the silence the air. Not even the wind blowed on that pathetic day, the air still and tense. I handed the papers to her and ran...ran until I reached the tip of the Eiffel Tower.

"Farewell, buginette, …farewell"

I let a sad smile grace my features as I looked at m'lady for the very last time. Then

.

.

.

I let myself fall into the endless pit. I could not hear anything, except the air hitting on my ears, and a shouting Ladybug on the top of the tower. Even she cannot save me now. And I was falling...falling into this empty place I don't even know why I'd ever wanted to go to.

* * *

 **Marinette POV**

Something had been off about Chat in that fight, the way he fought, his expressionless face , his serious, to the point speech, it was very unlike him.I asked him about it and as a response he gave a slight smile,it was beautiful, and so sincere yet a lingering sadness that drooped it slightly. I was surprised to see Chat smile like that ,I knew something was wrong. We had our fist bump, barely whispering 'pound it' as we continue to look at each other, he kept gazing at me and then suddenly he pulled me close and kissed me I was frozen in shock and did not come to my senses as Chat pulled away, whispering in my ear.

"I'm sorry Ladybug. I'm so…sorry"

I finally realized my surroundings and I was confused at Chat's actions . I could not help but caress his face as I looked into his eyes that shone a beautiful shade of green, one I'd come to love...

"What happened Chaton?" I asked him. I wanted to help in anyway possible, he was my partner and it was my duty to look out for him.

Then suddenly he handed to me, a pile of papers and ran, I was left there, wondering what the pile was, as I stared at Chat who was now nearing the tip of the Eiffel Tower.

And with a smile

.

.

.

He jumped.

My body moved on its own running at full speed towards him. Tears flowed like a stream on my face as they finally turned into drops, falling on the metal surface. I could see that even with my yoyo, there was no way to save him. I shouted his name out loud and dropped to my knees. The tears flowed freely as I succumbed to the sadness and sudden emptiness and broke down. The loss was too much ,and it's reason unknown. I cried for hours, after which I finally noticed the pile of papers still in my hands,maybe his last message. I wiped my tears away,not stopping the ones that still fell. I glanced at the papers, at the back it was clearly written that the papers are only to be first read at his funeral.

The last word made me cry more. It made me fully realize the weight of what had occured. And it made me want to repeat his actions, but I knew that I could not. Paris needed at least one of it's heroes. There must've been a reason for his actions ,may be something he could not shared with me, something that could cause a person like Chat who is so happy and cheerful, to do such a thing, was unexpected and surprising. I knew the reasons were within my reach, that I could grab them at any moment, but I couldn't at the same time. If I could obey his last wish just by keeping my curiosity at bay, I would do it in a heartbeat...

* * *

( _Time skip_ )

Today was the day when the clouds were grey and dark, yet rain did not present itself, when the atmosphere was depressing and...empty. Many people were there. Half of Paris had come to say farewell to their hero.

The Mayor, and many important people had come, including Gabriel Agreste. Alya live-streamed the event, her eyes were red from crying, Chat was a person that everyone could connect with. Chat. My bad little kitten who left me here...alone. Why did this have to happen? I had the answers in this paper in my hands, I hadn't read it, but I will have to, shortly. Until then, I was stay neutral and handle everyone, it was my duty.

Time passed and after everyone's speeches it was my turn...I made my way to the podium, clutching the paper in my hand for life. My mind wandered to Chat's family who probably didn't know that their son committed suicide. Those poor people, they will be so broken, for sure...am I any different? At this point, I don't know anymore.

"I, Ladybug am here today for the same reason that all of you have gathered here for. Before...it had happened, Chat had given a paper, a letter that is to be read today, I haven't read it beforehand... " I opened the paper and was met by very familiar handwriting...I wanted to go to a corner and cry my eyes out. No! It couldn't-it couldn't possibly be him. The tears spilled out of my eyes, in front of everyone. Most people were shocked, Alya comforted me "Do you want me to read it in your place?" She whispered, reaching for my hands . "No" I answered, wiping my tears. "I will do it...myself"I said, trying to convince myself. Alya gave me comforting smile, and squeezed my hand slightly. "He is...Adrien Agreste." I barely whispered, staring at her, as her eyes widened, her eyes staring right into mine, searching for confirmation that it was indeed true. I sadly nodded as I started to read the letter.

"I am Adrien Agreste..." A lot of gasps and whispers broke through the crowd. 's eyes widened as he started to speak to Natalie. I could see Nino tearing up, but I kept reading, trying to stop my own tears. "I am broken teenage model during the day and a leather cat jumping on rooftops by night. You might have thought that I have a perfect life and I couldn't possibly explain to you how wrong you are. I am not going to be the 'perfect boy' and 'the perfect son of Gabriel Agreste' anymore. I'll not go through the daily torture from now on. The regrets are many, I know my life could have turned out better. I wish to make it clear that this was my decision alone, nobody pressurized me, or influenced me to do this. The reasons are many, and there is no need to mention them here. Those who will know this, shall never reveal them. It is rare for me to trust anyone, but there are couple of people in trust with my life. So, Nino, Alya and Marinette, please move on…for me." He cared for us till the end …if you cared then why did you leave? Will I never know? These thoughts haunted me...but I kept reciting the lines to the crowd which was absolutely silent.

"I want to thank a few people, my friends and classmates, Natalie and Ladybug. These are the only people who are the only reason that have kept me sane, for so long.

Thank you…words cannot describe how much I owe you all. "

It ended with a beautifully written "— Your Chat Noir, Adrien Agreste"

I managed to regain my composure and stagger off the podium area. I had to comfort them first, I could comfort myself later. I went to Alya and Nino to find them comforting each other, they were in a separate room. I sat beside them, I put my hand on Alya's back to comfort her.

"It'll be okay, Alya-"

"No, you might know Chat Noir, but you don't know him like we do!" She screamed as her tears landed on the floor.

I knew she didn't mean to scream, but I knew she was right.

"You're right, Alya, I was always the one to push him away, I never had the courage, I wasn't brave enough, and now...now I'm useless I can't change what I have done, and I can never truly know him, both sides of him. " I admitted, as my voice quivered.

"You knew Adrien in real life, didn't you?" Asked Nino, his voice lower than normal.

I didn't trust my voice anymore, so I simply nodded.

After all this, they had to know, the later Alya found out, the worse it will be.

I dropped my transformation, and they stared at me in shock. They were astonished...and they had every reason to be.

"Marinette..."

* * *

 **This is it for this chapter. I don't usually write angst and this idea just popped in my head and I thought I should write it. I hope that this wasn't too bad. How cruel of me to do this to the little bundle of sunshine! (Sniff) I'll go punish myself for this. (Stumbles away)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I would like to thank Cindy Gomez 123, DJWifi Trash, Fandomgirlgrace , Lizzy Vanilla , UltimateEchoEcho217, corejudith, like none of the fanfics for favoriting this story.**

 **Also, Cindy Gomez 123 , Crazycandypanda , DJWifi Tash, Famdomgirlgrace, Kieve Grove, Screemnigcheesepuff , UltimateEchoEcho217, Zack3721, gleamqueen, kimresendiz7 for following.**

 ***** ** _hands you a virtual cookie_** *** And thank you for reading this story of mine.**

* * *

 **Marinette POV**

It was a shock to the both of them, I knew it would have been. They stared at me, and I didn't know what to do, so I turned my eyes to look at my feet. Now, when everything was done, I wanted to let all my feelings out, I didn't care who would see or what they would think. I wanted to scream, but I was unable to. Finally, my tears flowed and I let them, simply because I didn't have any reason to not let them. By now, both of them had recovered from the shock, and Alya just quickly captured me in a tight embrace and Nino joined in. We had no idea how much time it had been when realization hit me like a wall. Even though we had every right to mourn, we couldn't. Not with Hawkmoth around. So I regretfully pushed them away and tried my best to explain to them, what I could not fully understand myself.

"We can't do this right now."

I could see Alya's mouth open in protest but I went on.

"We can't let an akuma get to us, not here, not now."

I knew that I was going to have another breakdown soon. But I was not willing to put them in danger so I kept myself strong, for them...and for him. So I just smiled and hoped that it would be enough to make them believe that I was fine. But I could very well see that I wasn't fooling them in the slightest. But they left, although reluctantly. Tikki took this moment to reveal herself ,as she had earlier hidden herself to not complicate things more.

"I'm sorry Tikki. For telling them. I just couldn't keep it from them anymore..."

"It's okay Marinette. Alya and Nino can be trusted, they are your very good friends."

Tikki flew up to my cheek and rubbed hers with it. And I let her…I just wanted to be with someone. So we just sat in silence. There were some questions that were bugging me, to which I wanted answers.

"Tikki…what happened to Cha-Adrien's kwami ?"

The revelation was very sudden and I had not fully accepted it yet, but I would… just like I would accept the loss of my partner, my best friend, my other half.

"I think Master Fu has taken the ring…and he would have to choose a new miraculous holder after this…unfortunate incident."

Having to fight with a different Chat beside me, was so…unexpected and different. I didn't even want to accept it. It sounded wrong, in its own way. It broke me but I couldn't afford to be broken. I was as fragile as broken glass, but I had to be strong for everyone. For myself, for my friends and all of Paris. I knew I had to handle myself, that it was a absolute necessity. But that did not make the job itself even a bit easier to do.

During the next few days I mostly kept to myself, but I tried to provide comfort to whoever needed it. The only one who knew my true state was Tikki and she didn't stop me when I cried my eyes out in her presence, and I was utterly grateful because I *needed* it. I needed those few moments, when I was nothing but only a person mourning the death of someone very close. In those moments I seized to be Ladybug, to be Marinette, to be anyone's friend or enemy. Those were my weakest moments, but I am proud of them. They showed that I was a normal person, like everyone else and I had my vulnerabilities too, that I had feelings too.

In those moments, I realized how much I valued his presence in my life, in both roles. And it crushed me to think that I could have done something about it, but I didn't. I didn't realize what kind of difficulties he was facing in his life, and I *chose* not to pry. Maybe if I had asked if he was okay, if he was happy…he would still be here. With me.

He was so happy and cheerful always. But how could I have not realized that it was all a façade? He was wearing a mask, and I wasn't able to see the real him. Like he was in pain, and he needed someone, I wasn't there for him. What kind of partner was I? Not a very good one, for sure.

After all this, I had a breakdown the second I entered my room. All the pictures, clippings, everything…it reminded me of him. Everything I could see screamed *him* so hard. I cried until Tikki finally took everything down.

I couldn't the thought of all this much longer so I thought of taking a walk, as Marinette of course. I don't need anymore attention than I'm already getting as my superhero self. I went alone, leaving Tikki to complete her well deserved nap. I didn't really focus on where I was going, so I ended up somewhere I thought the last place I should be. Adrien's mansion,really? This triggered memories, regrets, and thus led a near breakdown all over again. I managed to compose myself again, somehow. As I made my way through the streets of Paris this time I knew where I wished to go, and that was exactly where I went. Master Fu's dojo, was the one place I knew that would be good for helping me calm down.

"Hello ladybug!"

He greeted me warmly, as calm as always. I greeted him the same way and sat down.

"I have some matters to discuss with you Ladybug, and I was hoping you would give your views."

"Yes, the circumstances have changed quite a lot." I laughed weakly ,and tried my best to maintain my professionalism and get this over with.

The situation could have been worse, it seemed. When Tikki had said 'other miraculous holders' she did not mean the Chat Noir ring, but the other miraculouses. Master Fu had said that he would give out two other miraculouses, the fox and the turtle to be precise, to compensate for the one lost. They are not as powerful as the Yin and Yang but would prove to be a great help. The sooner they are given, the better. Hawkmoth would attack very soon, considering he knows we are weak currently.

I would not admit the fact that it would have broken me to fight with a Chat Noir, if there was. I *had* hoped that they would let the Chat Noir ring be, and choose other wielders. My wish was fulfilled, and I was glad for something, after a long while three weeks to be exact.

Luck was on my side it seemed, as the new holders were none other than Alya and Nino. I explained to them whatever I could. I was highly professional during the attacks and I didn't talk about them too much afterwards. I really wanted to let it all go, but I was unable to. But I knew that I would be okay without my other half. If not okay, I would survive, at least. As for Alya and Nino, I hoped that they would understand that I had unconsciously built up walls again, and this time they was blond cat-boy to break them.

* * *

 **That's it for Note. It was supposed to be a short story to begin with and I don't want to drag it on for no reason. This one is not as well done as the last chapter but I wanted to update soon. So here it is.**


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys!

I had earlier stated that I wouldn't be continuing this story. It seems that a guest reviewer gave me a great idea that I happened to like but I feel that it doesn't directly fit here. This is the review ;

Guest: Can you just make a little other chapter of Adrien as a spirit watching over his friends and LB/Marinette as they are older and her still holding onto him? And then basically leaves another note saying he is a spirit and he's sorry and writes a sorry note and all the time he has made sure she is fine and stuff? Please? You don't have to ... I just thought that it would just add a bit more to the storyline? Meh! Idk!

S: This review made my day! Thanks soooo much! :D and of course I will try my best to do this idea.*hands you virtual cookie 🍪* . *And gives you virtual hugs* :))

I'm not really sure what i should do though, should I like make a separate one-shot, or add onto this, or what? I really hope someone can advise me here. ? I honestly writing this story and I'm super happy to add onto this!

And also I'll be answering the guest reviews down here (the new ones are also answered at the bottom )

. If you're not interested in reading that, then you can skip it.

(From the bottom)

Guest: it made me cry so hard.

S: Oh...I'm sorry! ;( But I am quite proud that I could make you feel the emotions. : )

Guest: Why did Adrien commit suicide?

S: I like to think that he committed suicide because of the continous pressure on him, from modelling, his dad, his extracurriculars, etc. In the show, Adrien is a complete bundle of sunshine :). And very positive. This is just a thing I thought of, if he couldn't handle the pressure.

Guest: please post asap!

S: This was long ago...But I'm really happy that you liked my story! Hope you liked the second chapter too! :)

Guest "angst" "suicide" "rated K" one of these things is not like the other.

S: thank you for pointing that out. Actually I have read a few stories like these as well, and usually they have a warning and rated K+. So I thought that this rating was okay...

Izzy: Omg I'm crying... LITERALLY PLZ MAKE IT A DREAM OR SOMETHING! MAKE IT A HAPPY ENDING! D: Plz...

S: I'm sorry that it's not exactly "a happy ending" but I hope you still liked it! Thanks for your support. :D

Guest: Beautifully written... But, why did you kill Adrien?

S: I'm so glad that you liked my story! And I'm sorry for killing Adrien like that. Poor cinnamon roll too good for this world. It was just a possibility that I thought of that I wanted to experiment with. :)

Guest: Can't Adrien just..."LIVE"?

Anyway I hope to read the next chapters soon...;) Good work! Keep it up. :D

S: Again, I'm sorry for killing Adrien. :( Though I'm super glad that you liked this story. More stories we'll be coming soon...:)

Guest: sad T . T

S: yes... Though I really hope you liked it. :D

Guest : Post asap! I can't wait for your story... It's too good :) **

S: I hope you like the idea where this'll be going. The new chapter will be up soon! Thanks a lot! ;)

(I'm wayy too sleep deprived to write the reviews again so I'll just answer)

Izzy: Well I will be now :D hope you like the chapters that will be coming. Thanks so much for reading!

P.S. I saw that you are quite an active reader/reviewer in many stories in this fandom. Glad you liked mine as well!

Alex:T T I'm sorry ( Some day people will kill me for doing this to our favourite cinnamon roll. ) Glad you liked it though :)

The last review is on top! Special thanks to that one for the wonderful idea! I'd love to hear from you!

That's all for now folks!

Toodles!


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